you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
