what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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