The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
