the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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