You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
