so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
