please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
