it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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