omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
