Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
