I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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