At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
