Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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