Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
