Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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