I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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