i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
