Someone shit on the floor
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
