if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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