this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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