After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
