I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dicks are not precious.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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