when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
