I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
