It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
