One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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