well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
