it wasn't lemon gatorade
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
