So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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