I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
