i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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