i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
