At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
