I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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