I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
