The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
