Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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