she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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