And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
