I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
