the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
