Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
