The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
