The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
