i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
