i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
