don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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