we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
