So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
