He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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