I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
