He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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